Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Mother Nature's Tricks

Another thing I noticed as I approached 50 is the tricks Mother Nature has played. In my teens and 20's the goal was to get as dark a tan as possible. I used baby oil with iodine and ZERO sun screen. Laying out on the first spring day when it was semi-warm was a must. We had to get that initial burn and peel before anyone else. We laid out every day it wasn't raining because we all knew you could get a better tan on a cloudy day. Remember the Coppertone Billboards that showed the little girl with the tan lines and the Bain De Sol commercials. It was our life mission to get that dark. Now I no longer lather up with baby oil but expensive jars of cream promising to remove the sun damage. I worked so hard to get all that damage now I am working equally hard to remove it. It makes you wonder if the same people who promoted a dark tan 30 years ago are now making the creams and lotions to remove the damage.

Another joke that Mother Nature is bound to get a kick from is gravity. My biggest asset 30 years ago were my perky DD boobs. All I needed to hold them up was 2 pieces of string and 1/8 yard of material in a bathing suit. I never needed a "push up" bra or they would be under my neck. I could float for hours. The biggest problem was going to the beach and digging a hole to put them in when I laid on my stomach. Well gravity had a different idea. I now need a full yard of material and 2 reinforced steel wires to keep the suckers from sagging to my waistband. My nipples that once stood tall and proud are now looking at my navel. Mother Nature's sence of humor is causing me discomfort in holding the girls up.

Once you approach 50 your metabolism goes on vacation. I think mine has gone into retirement. 30 years ago a Big Mac and fries were lunch. Now if I eat more than the lettuce that goes on one I gain weight. There is only so much you can do to cover metabolism that is in retirement. All the commercials for big is sexy have never seen me when I get out of the shower. After I pick up my DDs off the floor and dry them off I have to put them away into that bra with the rebar before I can have coffee. I wish some one would please wake my metabolism up and give it a 5 hour energy drink.

These are the problems I face moving into my 50s. I wish I have the same sence of humor that Mother Nature has. I hope you have a wonderful day.

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