Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Mother Nature's Tricks

Another thing I noticed as I approached 50 is the tricks Mother Nature has played. In my teens and 20's the goal was to get as dark a tan as possible. I used baby oil with iodine and ZERO sun screen. Laying out on the first spring day when it was semi-warm was a must. We had to get that initial burn and peel before anyone else. We laid out every day it wasn't raining because we all knew you could get a better tan on a cloudy day. Remember the Coppertone Billboards that showed the little girl with the tan lines and the Bain De Sol commercials. It was our life mission to get that dark. Now I no longer lather up with baby oil but expensive jars of cream promising to remove the sun damage. I worked so hard to get all that damage now I am working equally hard to remove it. It makes you wonder if the same people who promoted a dark tan 30 years ago are now making the creams and lotions to remove the damage.

Another joke that Mother Nature is bound to get a kick from is gravity. My biggest asset 30 years ago were my perky DD boobs. All I needed to hold them up was 2 pieces of string and 1/8 yard of material in a bathing suit. I never needed a "push up" bra or they would be under my neck. I could float for hours. The biggest problem was going to the beach and digging a hole to put them in when I laid on my stomach. Well gravity had a different idea. I now need a full yard of material and 2 reinforced steel wires to keep the suckers from sagging to my waistband. My nipples that once stood tall and proud are now looking at my navel. Mother Nature's sence of humor is causing me discomfort in holding the girls up.

Once you approach 50 your metabolism goes on vacation. I think mine has gone into retirement. 30 years ago a Big Mac and fries were lunch. Now if I eat more than the lettuce that goes on one I gain weight. There is only so much you can do to cover metabolism that is in retirement. All the commercials for big is sexy have never seen me when I get out of the shower. After I pick up my DDs off the floor and dry them off I have to put them away into that bra with the rebar before I can have coffee. I wish some one would please wake my metabolism up and give it a 5 hour energy drink.

These are the problems I face moving into my 50s. I wish I have the same sence of humor that Mother Nature has. I hope you have a wonderful day.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Getting It Together At 50

Oh My where did the time go?  How can I be almost 50?  Do you realize that 50 is half a century?  A century is a long time and that would make me getting old.  Why don't I feel old?  My brain can remember events from high school like they were yesterday.  They don't seem 30 years old. 

It seems like only yesterday I married the love of my life and we just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.  My first born child was so tiny and precious and he will be 30 in just a week, REALLY!!  My Mema has been gone for over 25 years, I still remember going to her apartment like it was yesterday.  My Nanna, Poppie and Daddy have been gone for a decade.  Didn't I just have Thanksgiving Dinner at Nanna's house last year?  I can still smell the Turkey and Dressing as I come through the door in the garage that squeaks when you open it.  Some other family has been living in that house for years.

So now that I am almost 50 I have to think about marks I have made on this world.  What have I done?  I am not sure.  I am fat and finally have decided to change that.  Well at least I hope I do.  That is a topic for later.  I am a paramedic and I would hope that I have made a difference somewhere along the line.  I have no outstanding accomplishments along the way as a mother.  I never got Mother of the Year or PTA president.  I did raise two kids that have grown up to be fine young men, at least that's what people tell me.  As a wife goes, I think there are more days that Woody wants to kill me than not.  He just doesn't want to have to cook his own dinner.  The only person who loves me unconditionally is Doodle.  (She is our dog, just don't tell anyone she is a dog.)  She loves me unconditionally unless someone has food at which time she is their new BFF.

Isn't this the time in my life where I am supposed to be thinking about retirement?  Yep I will be lucky if I can find a greeter job at Walmart and work until I am 80.  I do have a nest egg.  I found a birds nest with an egg in it in a tree the other day and I thought I would save it for a rainy day.  This is the part of our lives that we are supposed to take trips, buy whatever we like and not have to worry.  I am still excited to wake up and find the lights on and food in the fridge.  It is a major accomplishment when I have a box of Hamburger Helper in the pantry and a pound of hamburger in the freezer on payday.

I know there is a God and I know that he shows himself in my life on a daily basis.  I just didn't know that he had such a sense of humor.  He doesn't speak to me in the profound ways that other talk about.  He usually just shows up when I least expect it and says, "I told you so."  I do talk to him and I usually ask him, "Why me?" and that is when I hear this uncontrollable laughter.  I try to read the Bible everyday and I don't always like where it leads me because it usually leads me to places where God says his famous, "I told you so".

So here I am Getting it Together at 50.  I hope that you will follow me on this journey and let me know that I am not alone.